In an earlier Characterpath.com post, I listed Top Ten Character Tips and promised to examine each tip more fully.  Below are some random thoughts on # 6: “Be angry and shame not. You cannot shame others into good behavior.”
 

• Character is more than right action. Character involves doing the right thing for the right reason. Knowing we have done something wrong does not imply that we know what is wrong and why. Doing the right thing for the wrong reason will eventually lead to doing the wrong thing.

• To know that you have done wrong without knowing what or why it is wrong produces shame and not a guilt that leads to grace.
 
• Anger is best used for the purpose of healing and helping the offender and not as a means of venting.

• Does this mean we should never identify and notify people of wrong behavior? Absolutely not!  People will not change without guilt or accepting the responsibility for their actions, but guilt alone does not empower them to change.  Just as the Apostle Paul reminds New Testament readers that while the Old Testament Law was good at helping people become aware of their sinful actions, it could not change them. (See Romans 7-8 and Galatians 2 and 3).
 
• When you identify wrong for the purpose of creating guilt, also extend grace for the purpose of redemption and transformation. Good guilt leads to grace and bad guilt leads to despair.
 
• The best distinction between shame and guilt that I have read is by Lewis Smedes: “The difference between guilt and shame is very clear—in theory. We feel guilty for what we do. We feel shame for what we are.”
 
• Some have described shame as prolonged guilt with no awareness of grace.

I invite you this week to extend grace to those around you and take a step down the character path.

www.characterpath.com

Gary Fenton

In an earlier Characterpath.com post, I listed Top Ten Character Tips and promised to examine each tip more fully.  Below are some thoughts on # 7:  Goal setting is a form of accountability.

• Goal setting is an agreement with yourself to hold you accountable.  While this may sound like “psychobabble” by Dr. Phil, it is a valid principle.  Failing to set goals allows us to aim at nothing, hit it, and then congratulate ourselves for accuracy.

• Stating goals is allowing others to hold you accountable.  While self-accountability is important, it can’t totally be trusted due to our sinful human nature.  If we are hard working, we can convince ourselves that maximum effort is the same as reaching a goal.  If we are not hard working, we can assume that good feelings about failure are of the equal value as the good feelings about success.

• Character development requires both internal and external accountability.  This is why a Christian needs both self-examination and a faith community (usually called “church”) to grow in character.

• Goals, by their very nature, are measurable.  A team may have as its objective to play better, but the goal is to win.  Character development is not just about improving; it is the result of specific changes in behavior.

• Goals are not wishes but are God inspired expectations.  Prayer does not only help you achieve your goals, but is absolutely necessary in setting your goals. Goals without God’s leadership are guesses but goals that God has helped you set are targets that help you stay focused. 

• Setting goals for Bible study, prayer, serving and giving are essential. While we say our walk with God is the most important dimension we frequently only set goals regarding work and family issues. Do more than say you want to be more faithful as a Christian. Write specific goals for Bible Study, prayer, serving and giving and then state them to someone who will hold you accountable.  Sounds like a Commitment Day sermon, it is not but it could be.

Set your goals and state your goals, and you will take steps down the character path.

Gary Fenton

In the August 25, 2011, post entitled Top Ten Character Tips, I promised that we would examine each tip more fully.  Allow me to address # 8. Secrecy is a prelude to moral and spiritual failure.  Listed as follows are some random thoughts about secrecy and character:

• Not only are secrets the result of sin, but secrets often are the cause of sin. When we have a secret sin we often attempt to cover it by lying, adding yet another sin.
• Secrets are for the purpose of either concealing or deceiving. Good character is about being transparent and honest.
• Transparency is the opposite of secrecy. While transparency is frequently used as a manipulative, political slogan, it does describe a virtue. People with good character want their exterior conduct to reveal their inner core.
• Concealed reality (a secret) is kept in the dark and can only be healed by the light.
• The deceiver is one of the more common names for the evil one in the Bible. When secrecy is done for the purpose of deceiving, it is a demonic act.
• Does the person of character confess everything they know? Not at all, because the transparent life is not confessional exhibitionism. No one is more boring and less productive than the one who tells his or her secret sins to persons who neither help in the healing process nor hold the person accountable.

Below are five guidelines regarding the revealing of a secret. This list is by no means exhaustive or definitive.

1.      When you need to confess a secret sin, make your first confession to God.

2.      Confess to those who can hold you accountable or can help you heal.  In addition, make your confession to the one(s) for whom hearing your confession will be redemptive.

3.      If you have need to confess a secret that will also negatively impact someone else, seek the wise counsel of a trusted Christian to help you know what and how to proceed.

4.      It is not your role to bring to light the dark parts of the souls of others.  While in some rare occasions this may be necessary, check your motive and make certain it is redemptive and not punitive.

5.      The more honest you can be with others about who you are, the less secrets you will have in regard to what you do.

^{Proverbs 6:  16} There are six things the LORD hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
¹⁷ haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
¹⁸ a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
¹⁹ a false witness who pours out lies
and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

www.characterpath.com

 In the August 25, 2011 post entitled, Top Ten Character Tips, I promised that we would examine each tip more fully.  Here is # 9. Act as if everyone you meet knows your address and phone number.

“Vacation morality” is a phrase occasionally used by motel and resort owners. They frequently observe tourists, who are highly respected in home communities, steal from motel rooms, walk out without paying for food in restaurants and vandalize rooms and property when on vacation. These “good citizens” would never do this in their own communities where they are known. The old traveling salesman line, “It is not cheating on your wife if you are in another state with a woman who does not know your name,” conveys the same thought.

With the accessibility and anonymity of the internet, many are finding the freedom to make statements under assumed names they would never make using their real name and address. They lie, exaggerate and accuse knowing they can never be held accountable for their words.  Unfortunately anonymity often becomes the shroud covering dead and lifeless character.

Authentic character is more than forced accountability, it is volunteered accountability. It is choosing not to live behind anonymity even when there is the technological potential to do so.  Live and speak in such a way that you would never be embarrassed for people to look you up and ask you to account for what you said and what you did.

Authentic character begins with the awareness that you live in the presence of God, because He does know you address and phone number!

I invite you to take a step on the character path by volunteering accountability for every word you speak and every action you take.

                                                            www.characterpath.com

Gary Fenton

In the August 25, 2011 post entitled, Top Ten Character Tips, I promised that we would examine each tip more fully.  Here is #10:  Respond to situations rather than reacting to circumstances.

Response requires choices; reacting is doing what comes naturally.  Since we are by nature self-centered, then reacting will most usually be self-serving.

We are wired to react to stimuli.  Unfortunately, we have a wiring problem.  The sociologist says we are born with a survival instinct.  The psychologist says the “id” must be satisfied.  The church fathers said that because of the “fall,” we have a sinful human nature.  While I sometimes get lost in the sociological, psychological, and theological mumbo jumbo, I just know my first reaction to almost anything is “it’s not all about you, it’s all about me!”  Before you start throwing stones at me, make sure you have many stones; you will need them with so many targets.  And, save a few little ones to throw at yourself as well. 

We are self-centered.  Yet, as Christians, we are to be Christ-centered servants.  How do self-centered people become centered on meeting the needs of others in the name of Jesus?  Are we rewired as soon as become Christians?

While we are “born again” instantly, there is still some work needed on our wiring.  Through allowing the Spirit of God to redirect our thoughts, we can respond differently.  A response demands thinking or mind action.  In Romans 12:2, the Apostle Paul wrote, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  We have to think new thoughts in order to have new actions.  Responding means you think, guided by the principles of the Scripture and empowered by Spirit, before you act.

When you are facing a difficult situation, don’t just do what comes naturally.  In I John 4:4b, we read, “…because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”  Think about what the Bible teaches and realize that you are empowered to do what God’s Word teaches you to do.  Then do it!

Follow Tip #10, and you will take a major step on the character path.

(FYI…A great book on this subject is, After You Believe:  Why Christian Character Matters, by N.T. Wright.)

www.characterpath.com
Gary Fenton

The following tips will help you develop and strengthen your character:

10. Respond to situations rather than reacting to circumstances.  Response requires choices,  and reacting is doing what comes naturally. Since we are by nature self-centered, then reacting will most usually be self-serving.

9. Act as if everyone you meet knows your address and phone number.

8. Secrecy is a prelude to moral and spiritual failure.

7. Goal setting is a form of accountability.

6. Be angry and shame not.  You cannot shame others into good behavior.

5. If you want to show compassion, listen, but if you want to help, listen with discernment. 

4. Your image is revealed in your creed, but your character is revealed in your conduct.

3. Cowardice is not the absence of courage but the rejection of faith.

2. Begin the day with praise so you can live with poise.

1. If you want to know what Jesus would do, you need to read what Jesus said and what Jesus did. 

 Follow these tips and you will take steps on the character path. In future posts we will examine each tip more fully.

www.CharcterPath.com

Gary Fenton 

Recently, the Dallas Mavericks defeated the Miami Heat to win their first National Basketball Association championship.  Yet the media buzz has been more about the losers than the winners.  Specifically, the focus has been on LeBron James from the Miami Heat, who is one of the more gifted and most disliked players in the NBA.

LeBron went from being a star high school basketball player in Ohio to being a superstar for the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers, without going to college.  While LeBron’s Cavaliers never won a championship, they did have the best record in their franchise history.  LeBron became known as “King James” to the fans.

In the summer of 2010, LeBron disappointed his adoring Ohio fans by not renewing his contract; instead, he joined two other superstars to play for the Miami Heat.  Before these three had played one game, LeBron predicted they would win 7 championships in Miami. LeBron’s publicity star was brighter than the other two players, and his signing with Miami became the mega media event of 2010.

As a result, the Cleveland fans, who once adored him, now despised him.  Nationally, LeBron and the Miami Heat became the team that fans loved to hate.  To their delight, the Miami Heat lost the championship series; and, even more pleasing to LeBron’s detractors, he did not play well.  Many fans felt that surely justice was done as the arrogant, spoiled, rich, publicity hound—LeBron—was now being hounded by the critics. The icing was added to the cake when LeBron, in the post game news conference, appeared petty and demeaning.  The medley of “I told you so” and “serves him right” was the call to worship at the shrine of sports this past week.  

LeBron’s story became a morality play with pundits.  Bloggers and bleacher boys in every media format chimed in regarding LeBron’s failure.  Apparently, his failure made some people feel better about themselves.  But if his story is really a morality play, then we should learn truths about our lives, not just about LeBron’s life.  So, what did we really learn, and how can we apply it our lives?

In full disclosure, I admit I am not a LeBron fan, and I was cheering for Dallas, in spite of their equally arrogant, spoiled, rich, owner.  I am not sure why, but my dislike for Dallas Maverick Mark Cuban was not as great as my dislike for LeBron James.  Yet, after cheering for LeBron to lose, I realized there were lessons from his life that could apply to me and to other people.  If we do not learn from LeBron’s losing experience, we will have wasted a teaching and learning moment.  Below are five lessons we should have learned from LeBron:

1. Talent, even super talent, without humility is toxic.  While confidence is a virtue, a lack of humility is a vice.  We don’t like LeBron because he wasn’t humble.  Humility builds bridges while arrogance builds barriers whether you are on the basketball court, in the office, or at church.  While lack of humility makes you unlovable, it also makes you unloving.  Christians are not to be known by their talent but by their love.
2. Complete the achievement before you celebrate the achievement.  When James, Bosh, and Wade signed with the Miami Heat, there was a huge victory celebration before they had yet to play a game.  Frequently this year, they played like they were taking a victory lap.  When we celebrate before completing a task, we will probably never get to celebrate its completion.  Being proud of your potential is the first step toward unrealized potential. Celebrate your achievements rather than your plans.
3. While we may need an occasional step on the career ladder, leaping over a step never works.  Most of the NBA players have either attended some college or graduated, but LeBron skipped that step entirely.  LeBron did not need college to hone his basketball skills, but he did need time and a place to “grow up.”  His post game news conference revealed that he was well-spoken but emotionally, he was still the insecure teenager.  It takes time to develop authentic character, so do not expect success to substitute for experience.
4. A life without emotional accountability usually means a life without good character. LeBron did not have a father in his life, and the coaches of his youth became adoring fans rather than accountability friends.  Character is both taught and caught.  You can’t catch it without someone keeping you accountability for character issues, not just your career skills.  We all need someone to continually push us to grow up.  Getting older does not mean you have grown up.  Aging is inevitable; growing up is a daily choice.
5. Exhaustion and disappointment are a dangerous combination.  LeBron’s remarks at the post game news conference revealed his petty side, for which he later apologized.  He would have been better served if he would have responded to the tough questions by saying, “Let me think about it for a while before I answer.”  It is not a good time to express opinions when you are tired and frustrated.  Hurting people usually hurt other people when they speak.  Learn the discipline of “shutting up” rather than “spouting off” or “shutting down.” 

If you are celebrating LeBron’s loss, make sure you turn it into a character victory for you rather just a voyeuristic “I told you so.”

And next year, “Go Celtics.”

www.characterpath.com
Gary Fenton
 

In the process of developing character, we often lose character.  You may remember Clifford Irving, who was planning on being the author of the definitive biography of Howard Hughes—the millionaire recluse—who was considered one of the richest men in the world. Since Hughes was a secretive intriguing figure whose exploits and eccentric personality had already captured the imagination of the American public, the biography promised to be a best seller. Hughes was the  reverse image of Donald Trump. The Donald never saw a microphone he didn’t speak into and Hughes avoided microphones the way Trump avoids good barbers.  According to press releases fueled by Irving much of the material in the book was to be taken directly from interviews that Irving conducted with Hughes—who up to this point in his life rarely talked with reporters. That meant the book would include previously unpublished correspondence to and from Hughes. The Hughes biography was going to be a blockbuster.

With the anticipation of the book’s completion, the publisher even advanced Irving a large sum of money.  Publicity regarding the book reached a fever’s pitch and the literary world was a buzz. Irving was becoming the well-known literary figure he had dreamed of.  Clifford Irving is extremely well-known in literary circles today, but not for the quality of his writing. He is known for falsehood because he never conducted interviews with Howard Hughes, and he forged documents.  While he did record some of the facts of Hughes’ life, the book was built on a lie, a falsehood, and an untrue premise.  Clifford Irving is one of the intriguing characters in literary circles because he had no character.  In the publishing industry frequently shady and shallow folks are now just called “Irvings.” The 1981 book and the 2007 movie entitled “The Hoax” tell the story in more detail. While Irving says his “mea culpas” my reading of him has not seen much repentance.  I hope I am wrong, but I think he may have achieved his goal of becoming a character rather than having character.

We live in a world where fame is the game and truth and accuracy suffer collateral damage.  Even people who do good and help the suffering  can so be enticed by the taste of fame they become more interested in becoming  well-known characters than having well-developed character. Even if you do good by helping those in poverty, educating the unlearned, and lift the spirits of the lonely through inspiration, but violate or do not develop character, you have failed in the more important category. Fame is a dangerous addiction and adding to the problem is that we call the members of the the fame addiction support group “fans. ”

While we want to be change agents for good, authentic  permanent change is never brought about by a lie, or that which is untrue. To hope that you can change reality through a lie or a falsehood is a mirage. Lies distort reality and causing only the appearance of change. Reality is only changed through truth.

While you may never be a well-known character, you can have character. And that is what counts when all is said and done.

I invite you to take a step down the character path today by speaking and acting on truth and by avoiding falsehood  even if you think you can get away with it. May you be a character whose identity is your good character.

www.characterpath.com

According to a caller, on a nation-wide sports talk show originating in Birmingham, a particular football coach didn’t show class in the way he disciplined one of his players who was arrested. The caller ranted on about the coach’s lack of class. In the process, he used at least two profanities and concluded with the statement, “What do you expect?  We all know that whole school is classless.”

While the school and coach he was referring to may both be classless, his comments suggested that he was clueless. Calling a sports radio talk show and using profanity is the poster child for classless.  Before I castigate the caller and congratulate myself, I also must admit the sports radio talk show is not the evidence of virtue. Sports radio is where arrogance and ignorance meet. The arrogance of the host intersects with the ignorance of the callers, creating the entertainment intersection. It is a make-believe, audio only, reality show, and it is to conversation what championship wrestling is to competitive sports. It is only pretend.

In our sports craved culture, “class” and “character” are used interchangeably.  “Having class” has moved from regional slang into the popular vocabulary.  It has come to mean to give evidence of elegant style or manner. In other words, it is about projecting an image while character is more about reality. Character is the sum total of core values put into action. People with bad character project an image and “spin” that they have class. Character has to do with imbedded and expressed values while class is about the image we are projecting.

It is easier to appear to have class than it is to have authentic character. You exhibit character when your actions are consistent with your values. You are “classy” when you leave a pleasing impression.  Class can be done with smoke, mirrors, and a good publicist, but authentic character consist of truth and Spirit. The truth is revealed in the teachings and person of Jesus, and the Spirit of God is the one who empowers Christians to put truth into practice. As Christians, we sometimes are more interested in impression than reality. People often look at the lives of us Christians and feel they are observing “pretend” Christianity. Sometimes they are right.

Today, work on making your actions consistent with core Christian values rather than being concerned about your image and you will be taking steps down the character path. 
 

  Some observers of society are suggesting that people in developed countries are becoming less decisive. One possible contributing factor is the great amount of information available through the internet. When making a decision regarding a purchase, career step, child-rearing, church to attend, or spiritual and moral choices there are so many sources of information to grasp and evaluate before we decide. As a result some people make decisions more slowly as they sort through the information while many others just continue collecting data and never make a decision.   There are three possible negative consequences of individual and collective indecisiveness. 

• Rational and emotional gridlock causes both individuals and systems to shut down. Can you say “Washington D.C.?”
• A desire for and acceptance of someone to tell you what to do. This creates an environment ideal for political dictators and religious cult leaders to emerge.
• “Decision maker’s remorse” develops which is continual dissatisfaction with what ever decision is made. This contributes the trend by voters of turning against elected leaders immediately after voting for them and  to second team quarterback always being the fans’ favorite and to never being happy with what you purchase. The cell-phone industry has learned how to profit from this by convincing you to be unhappy with your phone within months after you purchase it. Then they introduce a newer version that you will be unhappy with soon after you purchase. Emotional despair is often greater in counties which have many consumer choices.  

Is this a problem for Christians? Absolutely!  Christians often are in spiritual gridlock. Unsure what to believe they chose to believe everything or to believe nothing with identical results. They cannot decide which ministries to personally engage or to support so they don’t do anything or commit to pray about it which can be good but far too often only is code language for “I am not doing anything.” Unsure of which church to invest their lives, they take a tourism approach and just visit congregations and take notes. Then they compare their notes with the notes of their friends who are also church tourists. 

Christian character involves being healthily decisive.  How can you be a decisive person? Here are six beginning steps:

1. Determine in advance to make based on spiritual truth. I some cases this will eliminate the dilemma
2. Study your options and pray while you considering the alternatives instead of waiting to pray at the point a decision must be made.
3. Recognize God has empowered you to make decisions.  (2PE 1:3  His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.)
4. While you may regret the results of a choice, never regret doing what you know to be the will of God. Sometimes doing the will of God may have some immediate results you do not like, but that does not negate that it was the will of God.
5. If you are at an indecisive moment check your heart to see if you are avoiding a decision because of an abundance of information or is it an abundance of fear? One of the most repeated Biblical commands is “fear not.”
6. Read the II Peter 1:3 one more time before you remain ambivalent about this blog.

www.characterpath.com

GaryFenton@aol.com