People for whom character is a priority determine to make good choices.  Yet, under the daily stress of life, we often violate our good intentions and act in ways that are contradictory to good character.  Why do we do that?

It could be that we are so discouraged by our troubles that we forget truth.  Below are five foundational truths I need to remember and repeat to myself several times a day in order to stay on the character path.

1. God is good.

2. Life is difficult.

3. God is with us.

4. The quality of my life will be determined by my character, not by my circumstances.

5. God prevails.

These are not magic words or a holy mantra that, through mere repetition, cause me to do right.  However, by choosing to be consciously aware of these truths, they help me to experience and express character that is consistent with being a believer in and follower of the Lord Jesus Christ.  I confess that I often fail to remember, repeat, and implement them.  But, when I do, I find that I make better choices.  When I am discouraged, I am almost always neglecting at least one of these five foundational truths.

I invite you to take steps down the character path today by remembering and repeating these five foundational truths.

Gary Fenton

www.characterpath.com

Several months ago on Characterpath.com post, I listed Top Ten Character Tips and promised to examine each tip more fully.  Below are some random thoughts on # 4: Your image is revealed in your creed, but your character is revealed in your conduct.

• Creeds  only state beliefs, but character is applying your belief in your actions and decisions.  While having a good creed (a set of fundamental beliefs) is valuable, it does not guarantee good character. Creeds should list the principals that govern and frame our actions. In a sense they act as guardrails to keep us on track.

• I once asked a gentleman if he was a believer and follower of Jesus Christ. He responded by quoting the Apostles’ Creed. “I think that answers your question,” he said. Having observed his life, I saw very little evidence that the beautiful and historic Christian creed had any influence in his actions. When creeds do not influence our conduct, they are like a beautifully decorated display window in a store that has no merchandise—beautiful exterior but void of content. You have heard of “wannabe” ranchers who are “all hat and no cattle,” but there are also some character wannabes who are “all creed and no conduct.”

• Character is not an image to be projected; it is a reality to be perceived. Creeds are useful tools to help us codify and systematically state our beliefs. But their greater value is helping us to make choices that are Christ-like.

• A person of character makes difficult decisions that are motivated by a loyalty to conviction. These choices often, as a result, require defiance to another loyalty. For example, a Christian  father loyal to his family wants to provide for his family. He thinks that if he lies in a business transaction, he can make a significant amount of money and then be able to send his children to a Christian college. The probability that the lie will be discovered is small, and he can easily avoid responsibility by blaming it on a clerical error. But as a Christian who is loyal to Christ, he knows that it is wrong to lie. As a result, he may feel that he is having to  choose between providing for his family or obeying  his God. While his creed may state that he believes in honesty and integrity, the choice he makes will reveal his character.

I invite you to have a creed that governs your actions and does not simply project an image. Doing so will help you take another step on the character path.

www.characterpath.com

Gary Fenton

In an earlier Characterpath.com post, I listed Top Ten Character Tips and promised to examine each tip more fully.  Below are some random thoughts on #5: If you want to show compassion, listen, but if you want to help, listen with discernment.

• A compassionate heart begins with an attentive ear. Showing compassion starts with listening.  People will need to be heard before they are willing to be helped. There is the old story about the well-intentioned Boy Scout who looked across the street and saw an elderly lady standing on the corner near a cross walk. He stops traffic, takes her hand, and leads her across the street only to find out that she was waiting for the bus and did not want nor need to cross the street.

• Listening precedes asking. For often, your question will lead to what you want answered rather than what they need to say.

• There is a significant difference between showing compassion and being compassionate. Sympathetic people can show compassion without engaging in compassionate action. It is like the professional mourner who attends a funeral and genuinely weeps in sympathy for the family of the deceased but never helps them.  The day of the paid mourner is over, but now we show compassion in high-tech ways. Well known personalities suffer from tragedies and pass away while bloggers and twitters wax eloquently and emotionally about the great loss—but without attempting to make it a better world.

• Discernment is both a gift given by God and a skill to be learned. All of us have some discernment gifts, but as we spend time prayerfully reflecting upon them, we learn how to maximize these gifts.

Before you decide to do random acts of kindness, listen and observe to whom and when they need to be done.

I invite you to take a step toward compassionate character this week first by listening to God through His word and then listening to the needs of His people.

www.characterpath.com

Gary Fenton

In an earlier Characterpath.com post, I listed Top Ten Character Tips and promised to examine each tip more fully.  Below are some random thoughts on # 6: “Be angry and shame not. You cannot shame others into good behavior.”
 

• Character is more than right action. Character involves doing the right thing for the right reason. Knowing we have done something wrong does not imply that we know what is wrong and why. Doing the right thing for the wrong reason will eventually lead to doing the wrong thing.

• To know that you have done wrong without knowing what or why it is wrong produces shame and not a guilt that leads to grace.
 
• Anger is best used for the purpose of healing and helping the offender and not as a means of venting.

• Does this mean we should never identify and notify people of wrong behavior? Absolutely not!  People will not change without guilt or accepting the responsibility for their actions, but guilt alone does not empower them to change.  Just as the Apostle Paul reminds New Testament readers that while the Old Testament Law was good at helping people become aware of their sinful actions, it could not change them. (See Romans 7-8 and Galatians 2 and 3).
 
• When you identify wrong for the purpose of creating guilt, also extend grace for the purpose of redemption and transformation. Good guilt leads to grace and bad guilt leads to despair.
 
• The best distinction between shame and guilt that I have read is by Lewis Smedes: “The difference between guilt and shame is very clear—in theory. We feel guilty for what we do. We feel shame for what we are.”
 
• Some have described shame as prolonged guilt with no awareness of grace.

I invite you this week to extend grace to those around you and take a step down the character path.

www.characterpath.com

Gary Fenton

In an earlier Characterpath.com post, I listed Top Ten Character Tips and promised to examine each tip more fully.  Below are some thoughts on # 7:  Goal setting is a form of accountability.

• Goal setting is an agreement with yourself to hold you accountable.  While this may sound like “psychobabble” by Dr. Phil, it is a valid principle.  Failing to set goals allows us to aim at nothing, hit it, and then congratulate ourselves for accuracy.

• Stating goals is allowing others to hold you accountable.  While self-accountability is important, it can’t totally be trusted due to our sinful human nature.  If we are hard working, we can convince ourselves that maximum effort is the same as reaching a goal.  If we are not hard working, we can assume that good feelings about failure are of the equal value as the good feelings about success.

• Character development requires both internal and external accountability.  This is why a Christian needs both self-examination and a faith community (usually called “church”) to grow in character.

• Goals, by their very nature, are measurable.  A team may have as its objective to play better, but the goal is to win.  Character development is not just about improving; it is the result of specific changes in behavior.

• Goals are not wishes but are God inspired expectations.  Prayer does not only help you achieve your goals, but is absolutely necessary in setting your goals. Goals without God’s leadership are guesses but goals that God has helped you set are targets that help you stay focused. 

• Setting goals for Bible study, prayer, serving and giving are essential. While we say our walk with God is the most important dimension we frequently only set goals regarding work and family issues. Do more than say you want to be more faithful as a Christian. Write specific goals for Bible Study, prayer, serving and giving and then state them to someone who will hold you accountable.  Sounds like a Commitment Day sermon, it is not but it could be.

Set your goals and state your goals, and you will take steps down the character path.

Gary Fenton

In the August 25, 2011, post entitled Top Ten Character Tips, I promised that we would examine each tip more fully.  Allow me to address # 8. Secrecy is a prelude to moral and spiritual failure.  Listed as follows are some random thoughts about secrecy and character:

• Not only are secrets the result of sin, but secrets often are the cause of sin. When we have a secret sin we often attempt to cover it by lying, adding yet another sin.
• Secrets are for the purpose of either concealing or deceiving. Good character is about being transparent and honest.
• Transparency is the opposite of secrecy. While transparency is frequently used as a manipulative, political slogan, it does describe a virtue. People with good character want their exterior conduct to reveal their inner core.
• Concealed reality (a secret) is kept in the dark and can only be healed by the light.
• The deceiver is one of the more common names for the evil one in the Bible. When secrecy is done for the purpose of deceiving, it is a demonic act.
• Does the person of character confess everything they know? Not at all, because the transparent life is not confessional exhibitionism. No one is more boring and less productive than the one who tells his or her secret sins to persons who neither help in the healing process nor hold the person accountable.

Below are five guidelines regarding the revealing of a secret. This list is by no means exhaustive or definitive.

1.      When you need to confess a secret sin, make your first confession to God.

2.      Confess to those who can hold you accountable or can help you heal.  In addition, make your confession to the one(s) for whom hearing your confession will be redemptive.

3.      If you have need to confess a secret that will also negatively impact someone else, seek the wise counsel of a trusted Christian to help you know what and how to proceed.

4.      It is not your role to bring to light the dark parts of the souls of others.  While in some rare occasions this may be necessary, check your motive and make certain it is redemptive and not punitive.

5.      The more honest you can be with others about who you are, the less secrets you will have in regard to what you do.

^{Proverbs 6:  16} There are six things the LORD hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
¹⁷ haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
¹⁸ a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
¹⁹ a false witness who pours out lies
and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

www.characterpath.com

 In the August 25, 2011 post entitled, Top Ten Character Tips, I promised that we would examine each tip more fully.  Here is # 9. Act as if everyone you meet knows your address and phone number.

“Vacation morality” is a phrase occasionally used by motel and resort owners. They frequently observe tourists, who are highly respected in home communities, steal from motel rooms, walk out without paying for food in restaurants and vandalize rooms and property when on vacation. These “good citizens” would never do this in their own communities where they are known. The old traveling salesman line, “It is not cheating on your wife if you are in another state with a woman who does not know your name,” conveys the same thought.

With the accessibility and anonymity of the internet, many are finding the freedom to make statements under assumed names they would never make using their real name and address. They lie, exaggerate and accuse knowing they can never be held accountable for their words.  Unfortunately anonymity often becomes the shroud covering dead and lifeless character.

Authentic character is more than forced accountability, it is volunteered accountability. It is choosing not to live behind anonymity even when there is the technological potential to do so.  Live and speak in such a way that you would never be embarrassed for people to look you up and ask you to account for what you said and what you did.

Authentic character begins with the awareness that you live in the presence of God, because He does know you address and phone number!

I invite you to take a step on the character path by volunteering accountability for every word you speak and every action you take.

                                                            www.characterpath.com

Gary Fenton

In the August 25, 2011 post entitled, Top Ten Character Tips, I promised that we would examine each tip more fully.  Here is #10:  Respond to situations rather than reacting to circumstances.

Response requires choices; reacting is doing what comes naturally.  Since we are by nature self-centered, then reacting will most usually be self-serving.

We are wired to react to stimuli.  Unfortunately, we have a wiring problem.  The sociologist says we are born with a survival instinct.  The psychologist says the “id” must be satisfied.  The church fathers said that because of the “fall,” we have a sinful human nature.  While I sometimes get lost in the sociological, psychological, and theological mumbo jumbo, I just know my first reaction to almost anything is “it’s not all about you, it’s all about me!”  Before you start throwing stones at me, make sure you have many stones; you will need them with so many targets.  And, save a few little ones to throw at yourself as well. 

We are self-centered.  Yet, as Christians, we are to be Christ-centered servants.  How do self-centered people become centered on meeting the needs of others in the name of Jesus?  Are we rewired as soon as become Christians?

While we are “born again” instantly, there is still some work needed on our wiring.  Through allowing the Spirit of God to redirect our thoughts, we can respond differently.  A response demands thinking or mind action.  In Romans 12:2, the Apostle Paul wrote, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  We have to think new thoughts in order to have new actions.  Responding means you think, guided by the principles of the Scripture and empowered by Spirit, before you act.

When you are facing a difficult situation, don’t just do what comes naturally.  In I John 4:4b, we read, “…because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”  Think about what the Bible teaches and realize that you are empowered to do what God’s Word teaches you to do.  Then do it!

Follow Tip #10, and you will take a major step on the character path.

(FYI…A great book on this subject is, After You Believe:  Why Christian Character Matters, by N.T. Wright.)

www.characterpath.com
Gary Fenton

The following tips will help you develop and strengthen your character:

10. Respond to situations rather than reacting to circumstances.  Response requires choices,  and reacting is doing what comes naturally. Since we are by nature self-centered, then reacting will most usually be self-serving.

9. Act as if everyone you meet knows your address and phone number.

8. Secrecy is a prelude to moral and spiritual failure.

7. Goal setting is a form of accountability.

6. Be angry and shame not.  You cannot shame others into good behavior.

5. If you want to show compassion, listen, but if you want to help, listen with discernment. 

4. Your image is revealed in your creed, but your character is revealed in your conduct.

3. Cowardice is not the absence of courage but the rejection of faith.

2. Begin the day with praise so you can live with poise.

1. If you want to know what Jesus would do, you need to read what Jesus said and what Jesus did. 

 Follow these tips and you will take steps on the character path. In future posts we will examine each tip more fully.

www.CharcterPath.com

Gary Fenton 

Recently, the Dallas Mavericks defeated the Miami Heat to win their first National Basketball Association championship.  Yet the media buzz has been more about the losers than the winners.  Specifically, the focus has been on LeBron James from the Miami Heat, who is one of the more gifted and most disliked players in the NBA.

LeBron went from being a star high school basketball player in Ohio to being a superstar for the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers, without going to college.  While LeBron’s Cavaliers never won a championship, they did have the best record in their franchise history.  LeBron became known as “King James” to the fans.

In the summer of 2010, LeBron disappointed his adoring Ohio fans by not renewing his contract; instead, he joined two other superstars to play for the Miami Heat.  Before these three had played one game, LeBron predicted they would win 7 championships in Miami. LeBron’s publicity star was brighter than the other two players, and his signing with Miami became the mega media event of 2010.

As a result, the Cleveland fans, who once adored him, now despised him.  Nationally, LeBron and the Miami Heat became the team that fans loved to hate.  To their delight, the Miami Heat lost the championship series; and, even more pleasing to LeBron’s detractors, he did not play well.  Many fans felt that surely justice was done as the arrogant, spoiled, rich, publicity hound—LeBron—was now being hounded by the critics. The icing was added to the cake when LeBron, in the post game news conference, appeared petty and demeaning.  The medley of “I told you so” and “serves him right” was the call to worship at the shrine of sports this past week.  

LeBron’s story became a morality play with pundits.  Bloggers and bleacher boys in every media format chimed in regarding LeBron’s failure.  Apparently, his failure made some people feel better about themselves.  But if his story is really a morality play, then we should learn truths about our lives, not just about LeBron’s life.  So, what did we really learn, and how can we apply it our lives?

In full disclosure, I admit I am not a LeBron fan, and I was cheering for Dallas, in spite of their equally arrogant, spoiled, rich, owner.  I am not sure why, but my dislike for Dallas Maverick Mark Cuban was not as great as my dislike for LeBron James.  Yet, after cheering for LeBron to lose, I realized there were lessons from his life that could apply to me and to other people.  If we do not learn from LeBron’s losing experience, we will have wasted a teaching and learning moment.  Below are five lessons we should have learned from LeBron:

1. Talent, even super talent, without humility is toxic.  While confidence is a virtue, a lack of humility is a vice.  We don’t like LeBron because he wasn’t humble.  Humility builds bridges while arrogance builds barriers whether you are on the basketball court, in the office, or at church.  While lack of humility makes you unlovable, it also makes you unloving.  Christians are not to be known by their talent but by their love.
2. Complete the achievement before you celebrate the achievement.  When James, Bosh, and Wade signed with the Miami Heat, there was a huge victory celebration before they had yet to play a game.  Frequently this year, they played like they were taking a victory lap.  When we celebrate before completing a task, we will probably never get to celebrate its completion.  Being proud of your potential is the first step toward unrealized potential. Celebrate your achievements rather than your plans.
3. While we may need an occasional step on the career ladder, leaping over a step never works.  Most of the NBA players have either attended some college or graduated, but LeBron skipped that step entirely.  LeBron did not need college to hone his basketball skills, but he did need time and a place to “grow up.”  His post game news conference revealed that he was well-spoken but emotionally, he was still the insecure teenager.  It takes time to develop authentic character, so do not expect success to substitute for experience.
4. A life without emotional accountability usually means a life without good character. LeBron did not have a father in his life, and the coaches of his youth became adoring fans rather than accountability friends.  Character is both taught and caught.  You can’t catch it without someone keeping you accountability for character issues, not just your career skills.  We all need someone to continually push us to grow up.  Getting older does not mean you have grown up.  Aging is inevitable; growing up is a daily choice.
5. Exhaustion and disappointment are a dangerous combination.  LeBron’s remarks at the post game news conference revealed his petty side, for which he later apologized.  He would have been better served if he would have responded to the tough questions by saying, “Let me think about it for a while before I answer.”  It is not a good time to express opinions when you are tired and frustrated.  Hurting people usually hurt other people when they speak.  Learn the discipline of “shutting up” rather than “spouting off” or “shutting down.” 

If you are celebrating LeBron’s loss, make sure you turn it into a character victory for you rather just a voyeuristic “I told you so.”

And next year, “Go Celtics.”

www.characterpath.com
Gary Fenton